Paint the Bath?
Fred's aunt is doing some painting work for his Aunt Katie. Rita calls his mobile .
Rita: Where's Aunt Katie?
Fred: She's out with my little nephew, Bobby.
Rita: And you're painting her bathroom for her?
Fred: I'm going to paint her old bath for her, too. She wants a new one but can't afford it.
Rita: Are you sure that's a good idea, Fred? Perhaps Aunt Katie won't like it.
Fred: Confident No, it will be a really nice surprise. It will make it look like a new bath. I've found some great paint
Rita: Have you got the right colour? There's different shades of white.
Fred: I'm not painting it boring white!
Rita: I don't like the sound of this. What colour are you painting it then?
Fred reading off the paint tin. Battleship grey! Perfect for a bath!
Rita: Fred! No woman wants a grey bath!
Fred: Thinking for a moment Maybe you're right. I'll change the colour to a nice blue.
Rita: How?
Fred: I have a little blue paint left over. I'll mix some in and it'll be perfect.
Rita: Fred, that's not going to work -
Fred: Don't worry! I know what I'm doing. Anyway, must go.
Fred mixes the ink into the paint. The colour does change to a mixture of purple & dark blue.
Fred: To himself Perfect!
A few hours later, Aunt Katie comes home with Bobby. The four-year-old is wet from the rain and covered in mud. Aunt Katie: Bobby needs a bath.
Fred: I'll take care of that.
Aunt Katie goes to change her clothes. The sound of the bath running is replaced by the screams of her son. She runs into the bathroom.
Aunt Katie: Fred! What have you done?
Fred has used the wrong type of paint. The steam from the bath has caused it to melt. Jack is covered with blue ink. He is laughing - Aunt Katie has her head in her hands.Fred: There's a small technical problem with the paint. But it's a lovely colour, isn't it?
© 2011 Kieran McGovern in homage to the famous episode in Diary of a Nobody
